On the Brink of sanity
by MemoriesOfBetrayal
Summary: He has one thing left to hold on to. deathfic.


Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT

_**On the brink of Insanity**_

"Raph?"

I can hear him, I can hear my brother somewhere...he's in pain, I hear him struggling to breathe, rattling breaths. But I can't see him, I can't see anything. It's too dark here; I lift my hand in front of my face but can't even make out a vague shape... It's difficult to breathe here, surrounded by rubble...it cuts off the air supply, the light supply...it must be thick if I can't see one smidgeon of light... I hear Raph cough...

"Raph..." I repeat, and I hear him move. He moves towards me, smaller rubble is shoved aside. I listen to his footsteps, and immediately tell that he's limping heavily, maybe even hopping...he must be hurt bad...

I try to get up, to reach him, but I can't. One arm is completely buried in the rubble... I feel the weight on it, but not the pain...blood is seeping from under the broken stones, and it's obvious it's my blood...there's a lot of it...a whole puddle...a puddle of my blood... I try to clear my head by shaking it...it's all misty...but shaking it worsens it and I moan, laying my head on the cold concrete floor...

"Donny?" I hear Raph's voice...it crack mid-sentence, due to lack of oxygen, and the amount of dust that's probably in his throat and lungs...it sounded funny when it cracked, like when we were teenagers hitting puberty... I remember Raph not even talking, he was too embarrassed... Leo stayed quiet too...Mikey used it as an advantage, making stupid voices to annoy people...I...I tried not to talk much, I didn't find it embarrassing...I just don't talk much...I stuck my head in work all the time back then...I still do actually, even more so now...locking myself in my lab...I wish I was there now...my lab...with all of my equipment gathered by myself and April...projects I was working on...I bet there all destroyed now...

Focus Donny! I can't afford to lose focus now... I lift my free hand to my pounding head, and the feel the wetness of blood...my blood...concussion...I start to drift...stay awake! Focus!

"Donny!" Raph sounds panicked at my silence...

"I'm 'ere, Raph" I say as best as possible...It's like a forced whisper...Raph comes closer and I sense him bend down beside me...

"Shit Donny" he sits down heavily...he sucks in a pained breath, then bursts into a coughing fit from the dust...

"Too much...d-dust" I rasp... I hear Raph's heavy breathing and my own quiet, jagged breaths...other than my arm I don't think I'm that hurt...so why does everything hurt so much? ...I feel wet and sticky...more blood? Where does all the blood come from... I never realized how much blood we really have... I ..know I've seen numbers...but...always seems like more when you're bleeding that..much... it's hot...I feel hot...

"Donny..." Raph says, "How bad are ya hurt, bro?"

He was trying to not...not to panic...did I look that..bad? I coughed before answering...best I could... "My arms stuck...blood...my head...concussion... hot... I dunno...It's dark in here..." He's quiet. "Raph..."

"Donny," Raph says, he sounds worried...he he, poor Raphie the big softie... "Donny, it's light in here..." he says worriedly.

Light? No it's not... I can't see anything... he must be joking...why is he joking at a time like..this? "No, I can't see anything..." I say, telling him just how dark it is...

"Bro, the flames are too big for it not to be light"

I put the clues together...blind? Is it permanent? Or temporary? ...Flames explain heat... where are we? ...What happened? "What ha-happened?" I wheeze out...

"I dunno..." Raph admits, "the bomb went off, you couldn't stop it... Leo took it... Oh shit. Leo"

Leo? What happened to Leo? ...Raph mentioned bomb...Leo took it...but it blew up...that means...Leo...I feel moisture on my face...not blood...salty...tears...Leo is...He's gone...dead... shit. "Leo is..."

"yeah Donny..." Raph says in a low voice, "he's gone..."

"Leo..." At first I thought it was Raph saying Leo's name...he stands up...

"Mikey!" I hear our younger brother cough...gurgle... Oh my God, what's happening? I try to lift my head to see... I can't see...

"Mikey..." I say as best I can...he didn't sound very far away...he must have been.. unconcious...

"Oh shit," I hear Raph, "Donny, he's bad..."

I try to think...gotta help Mikey... "What?" I ask, wanting to know what was wrong...

"Donny," Raph's panicking, "he...his...he's crushed...his plastron...shell...oh crap...so much blood...Mike.." I fight panic too...Mikey...if he's crushed...there's nothing... "What do I do, Donny" There's nothing...no hope...no light...only death...sweet escape...Death...I wish I could call him to me... I wish I could ask him to take me...I can't bear...Mikey...death...nothing... I feel myself begin..hyperventilate... "Donny!" Raph snaps...

"Nothing..."

I hear Raph...sudden movement... "What?" he asks.

"...Can do nothing...gone...death...no...Mike..." My mind can't make coherent...sense..sentence... I feel panic...Leo's dead...Mikey's better off dead...me...I won't last long...Raph...alone...no hope...no rescue...only escape...death... I can feel my mind slipping...I'm losing...sanity...

"I have to do something!" Raph says before coughing...

"Put out...misery..." I try to tell him there's no chance...no hope...life's over...

I hear him... it takes minutes... he listens...Mike's quiet...gone... I hope I'm next on Death's list...death...I want it... I imagine my family...hopeful...happy...laughter...I realize laughter is the sound I'm making...laugh...hysterical... Raph comes to me... I see him...I swear I can see him...he's laughing...Raph's laughing...

He fades away...replaced by dark...just a memory...a memory of my brother...heart...blood...tears...death...hope...guilt...laugh...cry... He's by my side...

"It's better..." I say with a chuckle...widen my eyes...maniac... no hope...its over...life gone...family gone...want...no goodbyes...

"Oh no Donny" Raph says...voice blurry...or is it just me...my mind's blurry...fuzzy...misty...broken... "No Donny, you're not losin' it"

"Losin' what?" I ask, tilting head comically... "Life over?"

"Donny, you may lose your life...but never lose it...your mind...sanity...hold on" Why does Raph want me to hold on so bad? ...It hurts...ever slipping... I just have to let go...let go for peace...don't need sanity...just serenity...but I love Raphie...want to obey...slipping...slippers...bunny slippers... I crack up again... ouch...death...he's here...

"No sanity..." I mumble... "no hope...no goodbyes..."

"Keep hold of it, Donny" Raph says...pleads... "Don't let go...hold it close...sanity..."

"No sanity..." I repeat... "Slipping..."

"Hold it Donny, it's almost over..." Raph...crying? Raph? Donny? Sanity...hold...slipping... leaving...

"No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity..." I say...reminding him...sanity? All I feel is calm...no sanity...black void...family...memories? Where...light...heat...flame...crying turtle... I can see...light...hope... Everything goes black again... no light...no hope...no sanity... alone...death...life...hope...faith...truth...trust...cry...love...lust...pain...guilt...laugh...cry...live...die...sanity...gone...sorry Raphie...no goodbyes...

"Keep it Donny...keep the sanity..."

"No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope..."

Sorry...no goodbyes...No sanity...no hope...love...Raphie's love...no sanity, but love...warm...nice...death...

"No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope...No sanity...no hope..."

**The End.**


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